Greeting my darlings! Life in Puerto Vallarta is so very different now that I hang my girdle in my sweet new home of Casa Gabor du Sud, instead of on the back of a Blue Chairs hotel room door…plus they banned me! It was not my fault, it was just that the poor elevator was broken so often, the management got tired of having to hire the crane to get me back up to my room!
But now I must walk by Andale’s to get to my casa. That place gives me nightmares! if I want to see horny old drunk white women shaking their tits…I can damn well do that at home…and I am not interested in any of those old men there…most of them look a little “past it” so what is up with that poor donkey that lives outside…when it takes the ladies for a “ride” what REALLY happens when they get around that dark corner on Manuel M. Dieguez? My darlings…I shudder to think !!!
The highlight of this week was a “gay” boat cruise. Now if you have never experienced one, just imagine a captainess that is the love child of Judge Judy & Popeye the Sailor Man…then add a French accent and a potty-mouth and you get an nameless boat cruise in town! At first I was worried someone was going to shank me if I did not take the blue pill offered on this cruise. Is it PREP or a pill for diarrhea? (I later found out it was for sea seasickness, but I thought someone was trying to roofie me), but after we set sail I relaxed and enjoyed the amazing service by the crew and the beauty of Banderas Bay. I mean who can’t love a captain who keeps calling a boatload of gays her “bitches” in a voice that is so husky it could pull a sled! You should hear that unmistakable laugh in a bar after she has belted down a few drinks! Trust me!
Please stay tuned to “Channel-Gouda’” where next time I look forward to reporting to you on the grand opening of the new nudie-bar Club 69…have you seen the photos of all that phallic décor?…I am going to have to be so very damn careful…on the rare occasion that Gouda decides to sit on a penis, I do not want to find out it is a concrete one!!! Hasta luego my darlings!
