A VIEW FROM A BROAD #6 by Gouda Gabor- The legendary Gouda Gabor has done TV, stage… and probably a few of your husbands. She has been visiting Puerto Vallarta since the Malecon was just a “Mal”, but now she makes her home here and looks forward to sharing her observations of what’s on the stage and the streets of Vallarta…
Hello my darlings…just as the swallows return to Capistrano every year, there are a plethora of autumn homosexuals that are plucking, waxing and dusting off their speedos, preparing to return to Vallarta to escape the upcoming winter doldrums. I myself escaped to Canada for the summer because there is no scarier sight than a drag queen in Vallarta 100% humidity…why I look like a circus tent with a wet golden retriever on my head! I had a wonderful cool summer where I shared headliner billing with the Ancient Mayan Exhibit at the BC Museum (you may insert joke here), and I made history myself as the first queen ever to host Canada Day celebrations at our historic legislative buildings.
As I prepare to head back to my Puerto Vallarta home, rest assured I have kept up with all the PV-poop, so stay tuned to Channel-Gouda for all the 411 on the best insider gay gatherings and gossip!
That said, there are various Facebook sites to help you navigate a move or a visit to Vallarta. The Everything You Wanted to Know About Puerto Vallarta is a treasure trove of info as you search for the best recommendations from expats and locals for shopping, medical matters and helpful thumbs up or thumbs down on various trades folk and/or services. Beware though of the randoms, those gringos who visited Bucerias 10 years ago for a week at an all-inclusive and think they know everything! …and sadly, it seems that many of the goddamn posters can’t read….you may ask about renting a 2 bedroom condo on Los Muertos Beach for Christmas and will get 3 replies about a studio with a lovely view of Costco in Fluvial that is available for Easter!!! In addition to the frequent cries of “How do I get cheap tickets for Rhythms of the Night”, there are also innumerable requests of “What’s the exchange rate today?”, to which I want to reply… “Google it goddammit”, but head’s up people, everything is all nicey-nicey on this site or the Gringo-police will ban your sassy ass in a minute! Then you head over to the Rants and Raves site which is always a good read when things get fun and bitchy from the folks that were kicked off the other site!
The Puerto Vallarta Gays: Everything You Need or Want to Know is a cacophony of everything gay, but the 2 most used words seem to be “poppers” and “husband” …perhaps a little too much advertising from dishy administrator Jet de la Isla for his Naked Tours, but since he IS my future husband we shall let that pass…yes, I still do have room in my Canadian back yard to bury a few more!
OR…you could just #askGOUDA … If I don’t know the answer to any of your Vallarta questions, I am sure to have slept with someone who does! PLUS I also will be offering advice to the lovelorn, so befriend Gouda Gabor on Facebook and DM me your questions, or email me at email@example.com. I’ll be providing the experience and wisdom of all my 39 years on this planet; shut up bitches…parts of me ARE in fact 39!!!
I’ll be back performing at the beautiful Incanto Vallarta this season, hosting OH BOY, a cheeky new revue of male burlesque, dance and song. Tune in next month and I will share all the 411 on the coming season’s entertainment scene in Vallarta!