A VIEW FROM A BROAD #9- The legendary Gouda Gabor has done TV, stage… and probably a few of your husbands. She has been visiting Puerto Vallarta since the Malecon was just a “Mal”, but now she makes her home here and looks forward to sharing her observations of what’s on the stage and what’s on the streets of Vallarta…
Thank goodness, once again we have survived the January crush of the large hairy gays that attend Beefdip. Everyone had a lovely time, except for the poor pool filters of Vallarta. #allTHATfur …but it is still high season in town and Gouda has assembled a list of local insider helpful hints to keep our visitors happy, healthy…and alive during their stay.
Gouda’s Gay Gringo Guide – Part 1
1- #newsflash…the peso is the currency of Mexico…leave your US or Canadian dollars or Euros at home…I mean, would YOU be happy accepting pesos for payment in Lethbridge?…in Little Rock?…in London? Get some Mexi-dinero from your bank before you arrive or use the local ATMs.
2- Find a legit ATM machine and watch the use fee before you push OK and continue with the transaction…they vary widely…and do NOT count on the local ATM’s…especially on a holiday weekend! The ATM’s of Vallarta are famous for breaking down or running out of cash.
3- Your credit card will be widely accepted at larger businesses, but many of the smaller shops and local restaurants are cash only.
4- Want to talk like a local? The Puerto Vallarta nickname is Vallarta…not PV…not PVR.
5- Yes, medical care here is good and reasonably priced…but get your health insurance before you arrive…it’s cheap…and if you have a big issue I will not be contributing to your goddamn “Go Fund Me” page!
6- Please don’t be asking where you can buy the cheapest drugs…the Farmacia Similare’s here sell “similar” shit…so your cheap Viagra might just be ginseng, baking soda and bat poop. Hit up legit places like a Farmacia Guadalajara to buy your off-sale goodies.
7- Your out-of-country phone plans can be very pricy…throw a local sim card in your phone and get a pay-as-you-go Telcel plan from OXXO for as little as 100 pesos a month…my 200 peso Amigo plan gets me long distance and local calling plus unlimited social media and all the GIGS I need! ��
8- There is a difference in services between someone advertising a Ma$$age…as opposed to a Massage…think about it!
9- Do NOT pee in public…just don’t in Mexico, OK…the local authorities might SNATCH you off the street and put you in a cell for the night with men you only want to see from afar in a Pornhub Jail video
10- Be sensible…there are lotsa nice Vallarta men…but if some guapo wants to take you into the el baño at Paco’s to make out at 4am…you will probably need a new phone and wallet by the time you come back out!
Stay tuned for my next column for Gouda’s Gay Gringo Guide – Part 2…where I’ll let you in on all the do’s and don’t of the great gay underbelly of Vallarta…and come and see me and my #superGUAPOS live every Friday and Sunday nights in the OH BOY cabaret show at Incanto Vallarta Theatre…my goodness, sometimes my boys sing and dance and prance so hard that their clothes fall off!